When you’re dedicated to self-improvement, it’s easy to take on too much. But we’re only human and it’s important to remember people like limits. Children thrive when adults set clear boundaries. The challenge comes when you’re an adult and you must set your own. Instead of thinking about it as self-denial or even self-discipline shift your perspective. Setting boundaries is a great form of self-protection and another opportunity to figure out how to express yourself within safe confines. It’s a way to better understand who you are, what you’re comfortable with, and how you want others to treat you. Setting boundaries is integral to building a healthy relationship with yourself and others.
#SelfCare17: Volunteer
Most writers will tell you they’ve suffered blocks where they focus on assignments and just can’t break through. Then one day they’re walking, showering, or shopping and BOOM! It all starts flowing. Well self-care can be a lot like writing. It requires focus, reflection, and self-expression. It’s a lot, and sometimes doesn’t flow as easily as we’d like. Volunteering is a great way to get your mind off of you. While doing good for others you can break through your self-care rut and feed the part of you that naturally nurtures.
#SelfCare17: Speak Up
The only thing worse than not being able to think of a perfect comeback in the moment is when you know exactly what you want to say but don’t. With generations of women being taught to be seen and not heard, it’s easy to fall into silence even when you have something valid to say. Part of self-care is recognizing that what’s within you is of value, and that includes your words. It may take practice to get out what you want to say, but don’t let that stop you. Sometimes I have to rehearse so that the words are really mine and I believe them. Your words are important. Don’t let them go unspoken.
10 Awesome Women to Follow on Instagram
Before I get into my list, I want to say that my ENTIRE social media community is worthy of a loving shoutout (and a zillion fist-bump emojis!). The daily messages we create and share about empowerment, equality and inclusion would be nothing without an awesome community to exchange with.
In honor of Women’s History Month, I wanted to share 13 of my favorite Instagram accounts owned and operated by women. These women create inspirational, educational, and empowering content that I could spend hours scrolling through (and do). If you don’t already know them, check them out and give them a follow.
- In the Insta-world of fitness models, we tend to see little size diversity. Enter @louisegreen_bigfitgirl who uses her platform to represent and showcase fit bodies of all sizes. She’s also got a great new book coming out that I (ahem, ahem) wrote the foreword for. No big deal. Get it now!!
- @usowomen…Obviously! The work that the United State of Women do everyday is shaping the culture that our next generation of girls will experience. The work we’ve done together (hello 2016 summit anyone??) will always be one of my most valued experiences. They have their work cut out for them in 2017, but look to them on great, tangible ways to join the #Resistance!
- This is my OG girl crush for all things empowerment: @amypoehlersmartgirls. Without a doubt, one of the best pages to turn to for global girl power and smart, cutting-edge leadership. Special squeezes to @puzzlesmom who leads this awesome parade!
- @euniquejg is my new girl crush. She’s the real deal, full of heart and fire, and has created a vital account with @becauseofthem. They had a beautiful Black History Month campaign (you can still go check it out) and their content is important to share with everyone (especially your kids!).
- @Amani speaks truth and power and her her Insta-platform for @muslimgirl is no different. She’s created the most popular digital platform for Muslim women and they have phenomenally talented writers who pen their perspectives on current news and experiences; a definite must-share for everyone!
- @laflowers has created the most incredible Latina blogger community of almost 20k strong over at @weallgrowlatina. You can count on them for funny, poignant, and powerful content – te adoro!
- My senator @kamalaharris has one of the best political Instagram accounts I’ve seen. Even after her campaign, she continues to be a trailblazer for change through the informative content she shares everyday. 2020 anyone?
- The girl crushes continue with @senduckworth. She frequently posts updates on what’s happening in government and is such a superstar bad ass that you will wish that a zillion more Tammy Duckworth’s were in government. (Psst… see #9 for help with this!)
- Since the election, over 6,000 women have enrolled in an incubator program to help them run for office. And who’s behind this incredible program? One of my favorite organizations @sheshouldrun. If you have ever thought about running for office or know someone who should, definitely check them out!
- Another one of my favorite nonprofits out there is @shesthefirst. They are literally changing the game for girls (and therefore the world) with their vision to help women around the globe become the 1st in their families to receive education.
#SelfCare17: Show Up
Between all the online petitions circulating it’s easy to feel like signing your name is enough, but if you’ve ever gone to a rally in person you know THAT actually showing up makes all the difference. Just like texting with friends about planning to meet is different than actually hanging out. One is about aligning your good intentions; the other is about aligning your actions to your values. When we show up, we share a commitment to a result; even if it’s a great night out with friends. In our digital world, it can feel easier to hide behind a screen, but nothing replaces the thrill of honoring your word and being there for yourself and others.
#SelfCare17: Form Strong Alliances
In our effort to resist this administration’s hateful policies and rhetoric, it’s important that we recognize the power in each other. It’s not just about marching side-by-side or rocking a safety pin. For too long, too many of us have been bystanders instead of upstanders, and “allies” instead of accomplices (shout out to my friend Luvvie for that idea). Part of forming strong alliances is acting on those connections. Challenge yourself to not only learn about other people’s experiences but also actively support and defend their rights with the same fervor you do your own. Embracing intersectionality is key to achieving justice.
It’s no secret that we’re stronger together and we all need each other right now. Let’s get in formation together. Join my community: http://bit.ly/JessCommunityNotes
#SelfCare17: Make a New Connection
Sometimes after mindlessly scrolling through Facebook, I get exhausted. The compare and despair syndrome that comes with online voyeuristic life gazing can be frustrating and leave you feeling empty. So, do yourself a favor and use this crazy cyberland to make a new connection! Follow someone who posts about different interests and topics. Find someone who stimulates you and inspires you (not just raises your blood pressure) and then (gasp), maybe we take this over into our real lives and actually talk to humans we don’t know! Or better yet, humans we know but could deepen our relationship with. When we focus on quality interactions of a new connection, the world looks so much brighter and much less gloomy and doomy.
#SelfCare17: Tell Someone Why You Love Them
I’m not always the best at receiving compliments (I’m working on it!), but I’m great at giving them. That’s why I can attest that a good way to practice self-care is to tell someone why you love them. Not only is it nice to let someone know that you do, but also when you can articulate why — it gives you a deeper appreciation of ALL the good that is in your life.
#SelfCare17: Take Yourself on a Date
When my husband and I wrote our vows, we pledged to the 7 principles we felt were the foundation of our relationship and a good marriage. One of them was self-love. Without knowing how to love and support ourselves, we wouldn’t be as strong as a union. So don’t forget to nurture the most important relationship you have in this life – YOU!
Take yourself on a date: eat alone, see a movie, take a dance lesson, travel the world. Picture your perfect date, and as long as it doesn’t involve tandem bicycling, you’re good to go at it alone! 🙂
Sometimes, We Need A Digital Detox
In 2017, unplugging and disconnecting from technology and the social world sounds like the last thing we want to do.
We feel the need to stay up-to-date with the news, which ironically can tend to wear us down. Nevertheless, we scroll through our feeds and timelines and run endless searches for “How can we impeach Donald Trump?” Information overload – it gets exhausting. How are we supposed to bring justice and equality when we’re overstimulated and low on energy?
Our hyperconnectivity can also create unnecessary obstacles along our self-care journey; the important journey that unlocks the ammo for the fight. There’s no way we can stay plugged into every tragedy or scandal in the news while staying sane at the same time.
But I can’t lie, I’m living right along with the 84% of cell phone users who claim they could not go a single day without their device. Detachment from our screens is necessary, and those of us who are dedicated to improving self-care have to learn how to unplug. It’s important for us to learn to power-down with the intent to recharge and refocus internally.
We won’t find solitude outside of ourselves. Solitude is found within and helps keep us grounded in the noisy outer world.
So I challenge you (and myself) to do yourself a favor and look up. There’s an abundance of beautiful, inspiring life happening right in front of our faces, but we have to look up beyond our phones, laptops, and tablets to experience it. Observe our world IRL (in real life).
Unplug long enough to go out and collect information in the real world and use it to create content and solution instead of spending hours of time consuming other people’s content and information. You have something special to contribute. And we need you fully charged to continue to help change this world.