Don’t Be Afraid to Dream Out Loud

Sometimes, big dreams and visions for the world need a microphone.

 

Do you take the time to talk about your passion project with friends? Have you ever spoken your dreams out loud to a room full of strangers? I know it sounds scary to expose your dreams to the world – and you might feel vulnerable when you do – but the change you seek to make is bigger than just one person.

 

Change is a we thing. It comes from collective action. The more people you tell, the more you open the door to the power of connection or friendly promotion.

 

And it starts with a conversation – with a dream that’s spoken out loud.

 

We’re listening now.

 

So, take your moment. Tell us about your passion project or the work you are creating out in the world.

 

Talk to us about it @ Jessweiner.com or tweet & Facebook with the hashtag #ChangeIsAWeThing.

 

Let us be your microphone. We’d like to share it with our community.

 

Who knows what could come from it!

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What Comes After You Enjoy The Moment?

What’s the point of achieving your dreams if you don’t take time to enjoy them? We’ve talked about the importance of soaking in your moment and feeling gratitude for where you are and what you’ve achieved.

 

But what happens once you’re well into that job you were working toward, once you’ve attracted that great relationship or achieved that health goal? What happens once you reach your dream and it (gasp) becomes the norm??

 

What do you do after you’ve enjoyed your moment?

 

1. Allow Yourself to Feel Happy:

 

​I know the “doer” voice in our heads wants us to ​move right on to the next big goal. But stop. Sit still. Allow yourself to feel happy. Give yourself the grace to really, fully feel appreciative of the accomplishment. Banish the thoughts that want to move you swiftly into goal setting again. Even the best climbers take a moment to enjoy the view before moving again.

 

2. Be Open to What’s Next:

 

So you’ve finally crossed it off your to-do list. Now what? Time to dream again. Remain open to the possibilities. Let inspiration and intuition guide you. It’s not a race – it’s a journey. And it’s yours and yours alone. Make a pact with yourself to start again with new visions, new moments to manifest. It doesn’t have to be bigger or better than the last one (that’s perfectionist thinking!). Moments come in all shapes and sizes. Decide which next moment is ready for you to claim.

 

3. Keep Moving:

 

Don’t get too attached to the journey looking the same for every accomplishment. Even if dreams or goals don’t work out as you’ve planned, keep moving. That’s resilience. Bounce back, learn from it and keep the growth in motion. Remember, this life isn’t graded, it’s not pass/fail – enjoy the process that unfolds for you…because that next amazing moment is always right around the corner.

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Resist the Urge to be Afraid

Resist the urge to be afraid. I know what you’re thinking – easier said than done. The media certainly doesn’t do a good job of putting our minds at ease.

 

With recent attacks in Paris, the refugee crisis in Syria, and persistent acts of terrorism, how can we not be afraid?

 

With marketers telling us we should feel a certain way, our televisions telling us we should look a certain way, and the constant pressure to compare ourselves to others, how can we not feel inadequate? No one can possibly feel secure when given impossible standards.

 

The odds seem stacked against us. The world wants us to feel afraid. So how do we resist?

 

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. You can choose to let the negativity inundate your life and consume your thoughts, or you can choose to focus on all the positives that don’t seem to be nearly as newsworthy.

 

We can’t control what goes on in the world outside ourselves, but we can control our thoughts and our interactions.

 

In light of the upcoming holiday season, I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude. I’ve been thinking about the people who are there for me and who matter most to me. I’ve been focusing on peace in the midst of chaos and soaking in the feeling of gratitude every chance I get.

 

On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve been thinking about the love, energy and intention I emit back to the world, and I’m working on stepping up my game.

 

In a time when the world wants us to be afraid – Choose love. Choose bravery. Choose trust.

 

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Spreading Confidence with #PearlxChange

This past weekend I had the incredible opportunity to join Nicole Richie, Gwyneth Paltrow, Marianne Williamson and few hundred other new friends at the first ever Pearl xChange conference in Los Angeles.

 

The event gathered a diverse room of women (and some men) to collaborate, inspire, and take action on a personal, professional, and even a global level. Together we explored our varying paths to success and confidence.

 

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Taking my place on the not-so-red carpet before the show! I’m joined by speakers: Nicole Richie, Psychic Dougall Fraser, Event Producer Ramey Warren and Astronaut (and bad ass) Jeanette Epps.

 

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Nicole did a lovely job hosting and offered a few wise words of her own throughout the day. In her opening remarks she discussed the power of collaboration and openness as a source of empowerment.

 

“When you’re open, the world is your oyster, and you can create whatever you want…Your mind + my mind is going to help us evolve” –Nicole Richie

 

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I was first up at the mic, which was exciting because I had the opportunity to set the tone for the day – the women in the audience were so receptive, warm, and affirming.
We spoke about that messy path to confidence!

 

“It does us no good to be resentful of the path that got us here…Forgive, elevate, and move on” — Jess Weiner

 

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Shadi Mehraein gave some solid advice to the entrepreneurs and aspiring entrepreneurs in the audience citing her ups and downs along her journey to becoming a successful venture capitalist, investing in women-led markets.

 

“You’re only going to fail when you give up” — Shadi Mehraein

 

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Marianne Williamson is incredible. If you’ve never been in her audience, know that she speaks with enough power and conviction to mobilize a nation. Marianne discussed the importance of showing up and being there to support one another.

 

“How are you changing the world & how can I help?” — Marianne Williamson

 

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Dougall Fraser has a gift – but he won’t attribute this to his psychic abilities – no, his gift is reaching people at a vulnerable level and guiding them to their own intuitions. According to Dougall, fear diminishes our power and our power is within our own intuitions.

 

“We have to carve out time to be still” — Dougall Fraser

 

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Jeanette Epps offered an amazing perspective about both advocating for yourself and your responsibility beyond yourself. Her insightful perspective on the world stems from the fact that she’s seen the world from a few vantage points – including from space and within the CIA.

 

“I didn’t let anyone define who I would be… I defined who I would be in the world.” — Jeanette Epps

 

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Gwyneth Paltrow took the stage to answer some questions from the audience. She spoke candidly about her divorce, her business, and her philosophy of friendship (even bestie Cameron Diaz was there to support!)

 

“As soon as I can put a pause in between the negative voice in my head and what I’m feeling, I can get back to myself.” — Gwyneth Paltrow

 

The diverse paths of each speaker and attendee reminded me that no one’s journey to success or confidence will look the same – nor should it. Life’s twists and turns are often what help us to move forward.

 

As Nicole Richie summarized in her closing, “Pearls are beautiful on their own…but when you add more pearls to the strand, you become more valuable.”

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Change One Thing

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Each of us can probably rattle off a part of our appearance we wish was different. So it may not surprise us that the latest research from Dove reveals 9 out of 10 girls want to change at least one thing about the way they look. Where this becomes problematic is that we know 60% of girls will stop doing something they love based on how they feel about the way they look. We can change this by shifting the way we speak, think, and act around the concept of beauty.

 

This is the foundation behind Dove’s latest campaign #ChangeOneThing. We’ve been conducting self-esteem workshops and helping women and girls think more critically about beauty stereotypes. I’ve spent the last month kicking off workshops from Minnesota to NYC, Cincinnati to Arkansas.

 

Our main message: It’s not girls who have to change, but our culture!

 

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At our NYC launch event, I’m joined by Franchesca Ramsey (host of MTV’s Decoded), Sarah Hammer (Dove Brand Manager), and Dr. Jen Hartstein to help lead an inspiring workshop for girls and their mentors.

 


Before the event, I was interviewed about how we can change our culture by changing the way we post and share on social media.

 

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Here I am leading the workshop! We also announced Dove’s partnership w/ Pinterest to reveal 80 new self-esteem pins designed for Moms, Mentors and Educators. Dove has reached over 17 million girls with self-esteem programming with workshops just like this.

 

attends Dove Self-Esteem Project Hosts 'Pinspiring' Workshop for Girls To Launch New Pinterest Self-Esteem Page on September 29, 2015 in New York City.

 

We had the girls and mentors make real-life Pinterest boards to share their positive messages with the world.

 

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attends Dove Self-Esteem Project Hosts 'Pinspiring' Workshop for Girls To Launch New Pinterest Self-Esteem Page on September 29, 2015 in New York City.

 

This wonderful girl standing next to me is 10-year-old Olivia Allen. She is the founder of the “I Can Be” Girls Confidence Conference – an event for girls and their parents to develop higher self-esteem. Can you imagine creating a conference like this when you were 10?

 

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The next day, I flew out to Cincinnati to film a news segment with Good Morning Cincinnati !

 

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Then we hosted two back-to-back workshops with the Boys and Girls Clubs of Cincinnati.

 

Their wisdom and energy had me thinking about this:

 

We can help redefine what is beautiful by using our social media platforms to spread positivity and acceptance. Within our families, friends, classrooms, and communities, we’re constantly shaping the world by what we post online.

 

It could be one word or comment.
One image or video.

 

Being mindful about what we communicate is what creates opportunities to shift our culture in big and small ways.

 

We all have the power to #ChangeOneThing.

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The Anatomy of Change

Sometimes we grumble about the change we want to see in the world.

 

Better representation in media…fairer hiring wages…helping the environment…the list goes on!

 

Maybe we sign a petition… Or forward a meme. Or lash out online. But honestly –the change we seek has to come from engaging in an ecosystem of change. It takes the entire collective to shift. So yes, sign that petition. And yes, grumble and forward and be outraged. And then do something. Anything. Small if you can. Big if you are willing.

 

If you want to see change, you have to do something.

 

Here are 5 ways WE can all support change:

     

  • EDUCATE:
    • Get fully educated on the issue you are passionate about.
    • Understand why something is the way it is, how long it took to become this way, who is involved now, and what it would take systemically to change it. Understanding the “behind the scenes” is half the battle to understanding how to shift something for the better

     

  • SHARE:
    • Share someone’s passion project, Kickstarter campaign, or cause with friends and family via social media. Don’t underestimate the power of sharing information with others.

     

  • CONTRIBUTE:
    • Contribute your time, money or resources to the cause.
    • Don’t count your dollars and don’t judge if you don’t have any, volunteer, offer support, contribute your talents in whatever form you can.

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  • SHOW UP:
    • Attend an event. And then start a conversation with your friends, family, or community about it. Show up everywhere this issue is and get engaged.

     

  • BELIEVE:
    • Sounds silly but ultimately believing we can find a solution and impact change together is important. The change we seek to make especially in big institutions can take a while, so belief can balance patience and passion and remind you what you are fighting for.

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We want to know what change you seek to make. Tell us about it at jessweiner.com/get-connected or post on social media w/ hashtag #ItsAWeThing

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5 Things No One Tells You About Being An Entrepreneur

I was 20 years old when I started my first business. Now with 20 more years of entrepreneurship under my belt, here are a few things I wish I’d known when I was starting out:

 

  1. Don’t Get Too Attached to Your Dreams:

I know it sounds crazy not to get too attached to a dream. But I now recognize that a dream is merely a marker for your journey ahead. A dream can be a beautiful vision for a goal. But it’s not always a goal you will hit. And that’s OK. Think of dreams as internal instigators to get you moving but also be open to having your dream ebb and flow and become more fluid. Small business owners know that you need to pair dedication, flexibility, and hard work with a dream.

     

  1. Relationships Are the Currency To Care Most About:

You won’t be able to build your business alone. So learn to ask for help. Find mentors. Utilize your network. You may be incredibly talented and smart and driven, but you will not and cannot maximize your success without the support of others. Surround yourself with good people to bounce ideas off of, learn new skills from, and gain feedback from. You’ll realize in the end that solid love and support is priceless.

     

  1. Find the Difference Between Pushy and Passionate:

No one likes a pushy sales pitch. It’s a major turn off. If you’re trying to pitch yourself or a project to someone, be genuine, be conversational, and be a human. People respect subtly and humility and while they love passion, it’s done best when you are focusing on sharing it with others, not forcing it upon others. Remember, specificity and subtly in pitching and networking can be your best asset.

     

  1. Taking Risks Is Non-Negotiable:

You can’t grow personally or professionally by making safe choices all the time. Take smart risks. Sometimes it’ll be a bust (a risk is a risk), but risk-taking can also open doors to incredible opportunities and relationships. And taking risks also applies to saying no to things. Saying no to a round of funding because the investor isn’t the right fit, saying no to a networking meeting because you need to focus on something else – all may seem counter intuitive but sometimes you have to risk saying no to the wrong relationships to open up space for the right ones to come through.

     

  1. You Don’t Need a Hobby But It Helps:

I resisted this insight for a long time because I never felt I needed a hobby – I loved to work, I was passionate about my career, and I was seeing the rewards. But then ultimately (and inevitably) a burn out happens. And you realize that you’ve not spent time cultivating your most important asset – YOU! So even if it’s reading, taking walks, traveling or knitting – find something that you can do for you. Not for the business. Do it because it makes you happy, makes you wiser, makes you relax. The best entrepreneurs I know are well rounded and don’t forget to play as much as they work!

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How To Enjoy Your Moment

We work so hard.

 

Go to school. Train. Pray. Sacrifice. Repeat.

 

We dream so big.

 

Face disappointment. Bounce back. Fall down. Repeat.

 

We psych ourselves up.

 

Pep talk. Cry. Mope. Pep Talk. Repeat.

 

We make vision boards.

 

We chant mantras.

 

We tell our secrets to friends in hopes they come true.

 

We wish ourselves to sleep every night with what we desire.

 

We daydream and fantasize about the moment.

 

Then it happens.

 

The new job.

 

The love of your life.

 

The healthier body.

 

The promotion.

 

The green light.

 

The go-ahead.

 

The moment you’ve been waiting for.

 

And you stress.

 

Worry, Feel Anxious, Doubt. Repeat.

 

Question your deservedness.

 

Beg for a bit more time.

 

Swear you are unprepared.

 

Sabotage. Suffer. Shrink. Repeat.

 

But what if you enjoyed your moment.

 

Soaked it in.

 

Breathed it out.

 

Wallowed in the goodness happening now.

 

Believed you were worth it.

 

Smiled at the thought of it.

 

The taste of it.

 

The feel of it.

 

Reminded yourself you are allowed to feel good.

 

And then actually felt good.

 

Without guilt. Remorse. Or Shame.

 

You can enjoy your moment.

 

All you need to do is – feel grateful.

 

Repeat.

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S.F.S.N. = Sounds Fabulous, Signifies Nothing

“You go girl!” “Just Be Confident!” “Be your true self!”

 

We are bombarded with messages like these everyday. Top 10 lists on loving our body. Quizzes about what superhero we’d be.

 

Messages like these sound good. They seem like the right thing to tell ourselves, our friends, our kids, our families. But do they actually DO anything?

 

They are what I call, “S.F.S.N. – sounds fabulous, signifies nothing.”

 

These quotes and phrases are meant to inspire us and shake us out of a rut. So why then can they sometimes feel hollow? Because they tend to ignore the most important part of the journey to confidence- the HOW we get there.

 

And that’s because there isn’t a universal HOW. Everyone’s process will vary. In approach, style and technique. Some have to hit bottom before bouncing back. Others need to get knocked down only once. Some of us will spend decades searching. Some of us will spend days.

 

The path to self-confidence is sometimes less about the rah-rah and more about the raw. The real. The messy. (and there’s often not a cute quote card for that!)

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Why I Love “Reverse Mentoring”

Some people have hobbies like baking or building those little ships in bottles (do people still do that?)

 

I’d say my main hobby is mentoring.

 

Yep. I collect mentees like some people collected Tiger Beat posters of Rob Lowe back in the day. (Anyone? No? Just me?)

 

Many people might think of a mentor/mentee relationship as a one-way street, but if you are lucky, you get what I call “reverse mentoring.” The collective wisdom, insight, and inspiration you receive by helping someone on their journey.

 

I get such an incredible gift from having mentees in my life.

 

Here are 6 women I’ve mentored and what they’ve taught me in return.

 

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Emily-Anne Rigal, We Stop Hate

 

I’ve known Emily-Anne since she was 15! She has now created a media empire through her anti-bullying organization We Stop Hate and her new book, Flawd. I’m inspired by her commitment to creating a community that inspires individual change.

 

She’s also taught me the joys of selfie-taking, social media and when to use the right emoticons. 🙂

 

cammy-nelson

 

Cammy Nelson, Brave Like Me

 

I met Cammy when she was in 6th grade and knew she was destined to be a force in the confidence community. She works with girls across the country to redefine bravery as taking risks and taking action – no matter how big or small.

 

Cammy has taught me about the tenderness of forgiving oneself and the glory of speaking about your dreams while in swimming pools.

 

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Kara Norman, Empower Her, Inc.

 

Kara thinks I’m mentoring her, but truly she has helped me through her devout faith, passion, and generous heart. She provides events, resources, and programs that help women and girls live fulfilled lives in her community of Atlanta, Georgia. Even when faced with difficult challenges, she rises to the occasion and models grace in action.

 

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Megan Grassell, Yellowberry

 

So truth is, I cold-called Megan and her Mom after I read about Yellowberry and I’m pretty sure they both thought I was a crazy creepster offering my help and mentorship. But I truly knew that Megan was on to something HUGE. Her ambition and drive led her to create a business that helps young girls feel confident about wearing a bra for the first time. I’m grateful that Megan ended up trusting me and didn’t hang up the phone!

 

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Molly Thompson & Lauren Paul, Kind Campaign

 

My world got better when these two filmmakers and activists stepped into it. After appearing in their groundbreaking documentary on bullying, “Finding Kind”, we ended up mentoring each other over the years. They are so wholly dedicated to spreading kindness and positivity to women and girls worldwide. I’ll forever be indebted to them for the kindness they showed me on the floor of a movie theatre in Somewhere, USA – crying over broken hearts and big life changes.

 

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Tammy Tibbetts, She’s The First

 

I first met Tammy during my Seventeen magazine days, and now she’s the Founder and President of an amazing organization that provides scholarships to educate girls in developing countries. Watching her grow professionally over the years inspires me to remember that growth and success take time – but are ultimately worth the wait.

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