Category: Uncategorized

Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt

And it’s not doing self-discovery any favors, either.

 

That’s because your journey to self-discovery is about exploring what lights you up– and celebrating it!

 

When we compare ourselves to our friend’s selfie with 150 likes, the “perfect” parent who makes Pinterest-worthy baked goods, or our coworker who makes juggling multiple projects looks easy – we almost always end up feeling inadequate.

 

We know this already, so why do we still do it?

 

We compare and we strive to be perfect because we want to feel worthy. We think that being perfect will make us worthy of that love, success, or adoration.

 

But the truth is: you’re already worthy.

 

So how do you recognize this on a daily basis?

 

PRACTICE!

 

Here’s something that works for me:

 

1. Every time I feel loved, I try to take a millisecond to feel gratitude. To soak it in. I may close my eyes after a sweet text from my husband. Or breathe in the compliment from a stranger. Or replay a kind word from my parents. I try to absorb and internalize that good energy. And it helps me recognize that there is enough to go around!

 

2.  I enjoy admiring awesome people. Truly. I choose to feel inspired by the amazing thinkers and creators in my life (and choose to hang around them as much as possible) – because what you admire in someone else can make you shine, too.  

 

3. When I stopped the constant comparison (and trust me, I do it less, but I’m not perfect – ha!) I found that I felt freer from anxiety producing thoughts and this crazy fear that I wasn’t good enough. Instead I have a lot more time to focus inward. To learn more about me. Spending more time on cultivating my inner life is what leads me to really appreciate the life I have.

With every interaction we have at work – whether it’s with coworkers or bosses or clients – we’re bound to face people who are more (ahem) challenging to get along with. And trust me, I’ve worked with plenty of people in my career who I didn’t always vibe with.

 

But even though we don’t always enjoy the people we work with, I do think there’s something to be learned from every relationship.

 

Here are three ways to help you work and even (gasp) collaborate with some of your not-so-favorite people:

 

1. Set Boundaries!

 

Every relationship needs guard rails and the trickier relationships definitely need to have specific and clear expectations. Don’t want to be emailed relentlessly at 2 am – let them know that the first time they do it. Feel triggered every time you get off a conference call with someone– make sure you schedule 10 min in between meetings so you can decompress and not carry it into the next interaction. Boundaries go both ways – make sure you set them for yourself and others.

 

 

2. Don’t answer every email:

 

How amazing do you feel just reading that this is an option?!? Yes. You don’t have to answer every email from a person who you don’t enjoy. Don’t go radio silent but you also don’t have to jump every time they e mail you. Take a moment. Compose your thoughts. Walk away. Take the night. Unless it’s life or death, it truly can wait. This doesn’t just go for people who annoy you – but a good e mail lesson in general. Answer them when you are in a better mood. It’ll make a world of difference.

 

3. Pick your battles:

 

Not everything is worth fighting for. Don’t waste your energy on the things that truly don’t matter. There will always be sucky people in the world. Don’t let them live rent free in your head for so long. Even if they hold positions of power – you hold the ultimate power – the gateway to your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

 

Stop to think about what you can do to better the relationship on your end. And if you get to the point where you need to have a conversation with this person, be open to listening to their criticism as well. Listening and learning from our communication with others will ultimately help us grow.

Every fall, I teach undergrads and graduate students at USC’s Annenberg School of Journalism about personal branding and entrepreneurship.

 

Every fall, I get asked the same question by students:

“What is the top tool we can cultivate for ourselves in business?

Is it strategic thinking? Organizational management? Die-hard commitment?”

 

Nope.

My answer: It’s relationships.

 

After more than two decades as an entrepreneur, I can tell you one that one of the most important things I’ve learned is that the currency of business lies in our relationships. They are fundamentally the key to success.

 

So it behooves us to get good at being in relationships. And our business relationships are not a different trajectory than our romantic or friendship related ones – they still involve trust, honesty, communication, loyalty, commitment, and weathering the storm.

 

If you can do one good thing for your business it would be to do a relationship inventory on yourself and find out where you are weak? Even down to the etiquette that helps to build relationships (“Thank you”, “Please” and never cold intro someone on e mail you haven’t cleared first).

 

Relationships take time, they take nurturing, and if you don’t pay attention to them – yes – they could disappear. Because at the core of this all are humans. People. Fallible, vulnerable, looking to be liked, loved, and success driven people. So take good care to bring your whole self to the game. Also – speaking of games, I know business can be a real mind-fuck at times – but the best relationships I have in work never feel like we are playing games or playing each other for higher currency.

 

Because we are the currency – and when relationships feel authentic, connected, and cherished, people want to do business together.

 

Every business transaction from interview to deal closure relies on the dynamic and quality of relationships. Be yourself. Be forthright and honest. Be bold and clear with boundaries. Seek to find relationships with people that get the business done but also leave you feeling hopeful about the world. Sound like a tall order? Perhaps it is. But so is any relationship.

 

And be prepared when relationships go away. They have to. At times. And learning to let them go with grace – whether exiting a job, cutting ties with a supplier or saying no to someone who is overstepping their asks – you have to end relationships as clearly as you enter them.

 

That’s not only good business. That’s good life.

 

Last week, as an affiliated faculty member of USC’s Media, Diversity and Social Change Initiative, I had the opportunity to host a summit on breaking down gender stereotypes in children’s media and toys at the WHITE HOUSE. Yes… THE White House!

 

I was honored to be a part of this historical and unprecedented conversation, where we gathered thought leaders, experts, and innovators from a wide range of industries and specialties because, as I always say, change is a “we” thing and we can all play a role in bettering the futures and opportunities of all children.

 

 

Valerie Jarrett, Senior Advisor to President Barack Obama and Chair of the White House Council on Women and Girls began the day with a sentiment I deeply share:

 

“Changing culture is not necessarily easy and doesn’t happen over night, but we can do it if we work together.”

 

 

Sarah Hurwitz, Special Assistant to the President, Senior Policy and Strategy Advisor to the Council on Women and Girls, and Senior Presidential Speechwriter

 

Sarah was my amazing co-collaborator on this event. She writes speeches for POTUS and FLOTUS by day and then in her spare time helps to create culture changing events with me! #SOLUCKY #POWERDUO

 

 

I moderated the first panel of the day: Kids These Days: What’s Going on in the Lives of Boys and Girls Today?

 

On this panel I offered my leading insight on today’s girls – we call her: The “Yes, And” Girl.

 

The “Yes, And” girl is additive not reductive – she loves politics AND painting her nails. She plays with dolls AND science kits. Yet we don’t always see our girls reflected like that in mainstream media.

 

In fact, girls have always been exceptional; we just haven’t been telling exceptional stories about them.

 

From L to R: Dr. Michael Reichert, Rosalind Wiseman, Dr. Joseph Nelson, Rachel Simmons, Fatima Goss Graves

 

Five other experts joined me on the panel, each bringing uniquely insightful perspectives to the room regarding boys and girls. We started the day talking about boys – their inner emotional lives. The research presented was compelling and panelist’s agreed: It’s time to redefine boyhood to include more relational and social engagement for our boys.

 

Dr. Lisa Dinella (left) and Dr. Elizabeth Sweet (right)

 

One of the highlights of the day was showcasing the wonderful research by academics in the field of toys and media. They are leading the way for progress in their fields by exploring how toys, media, and gender stereotypes impact child development.

 

 

Later, I moderated a case studies panel where industry leaders talked about meeting the demand for challenging gender stereotypes. Mattel, Disney, LEGO, Warner Bros, DC entertainment, and littleBits shared how their companies are evolving to meet the needs of parents and children with products that better reflect today’s culture.

 

From L to R: Meredith Walker, Laurel Wider, Ana Flores, Charlie Capen, Dr. Yalda T. Uhls

 

There can often be a disparity between the leaders in media and business and the consumers that they are trying to reach, so having parent voices and advocacy groups in the room helps to bridge that gap. By bringing all of these stakeholders together, we come closer to finding solutions where everyone can participate in breaking down gender stereotypes for our children.

 

Chatting new ally, actor Matt McGorry!

 

You may love his work on “Orange is the New Black” or “How to Get Away with Murder” but I love how Matt’s been wonderful in using his platform to talk about Feminism.

 

Tina Tchen, Assistant to the President and Executive Director of the White House Council on Women and Girls

 

Without her support, this day wouldn’t have been possible. Plus – that smile KILLS me. 🙂

 

Megan Smith, United States Chief Technology Officer

 

Megan closed out our day with an incredibly inspiring talk about inclusivity – she highlighted all of the amazing women who have been behind our greatest technological advances but are often left out of mainstream media storytelling. She was also part of the original iPhone creation team with Steve Jobs!!

 

Overall: The day was truly magical: people courageously putting themselves out there, voicing their beliefs, and challenging the status quo. I witnessed so many passionate individuals coming together for a wide array of reasons but one shared purpose: breaking down gender stereotypes so that our children can live without limits.

 

Last week served as a reminder for me just how much is possible when we work together. #ChangeIsaWeThing

We want to live in a world where children feel limitless — one where they feel that regardless of their race, gender, education, socioeconomic status, or religion they can truly become whatever they want and reach whatever goals they set.

 

Yet, from television ads to Halloween costumes and toy packaging, gender stereotypes and expectations continue to limit children.

 

In order to create change in a product, in a mindset, or within system – we have to challenge ourselves, to learn the facts, and to work within our own worlds to integrate knowledge into action. To take on something as big as gender stereotyping – it takes a convergence of many stakeholders to create this change.

Continue reading “Change Is A WE Thing” →

I took a walk today. Slowly and deliberately breathing in the air, the breeze, the smell of early morning and the sound of silence before cars are zooming kids off to school. It helped that I had meditated with Oprah and Deepak before–so I was set on being mindful while I moved.

 

Then I saw him. A snail. Creeping on the brick wall, inching ever so slowly toward the flowers in the new spring bloom. I stopped. I stopped to watch a snail barely move. And I stayed watching him (or her?) for a good 30 seconds. And it seemed like an eternity. And I marveled at how little I slow down to watch the details of the life around me.

Continue reading “At a Snail’s Pace: How Slowing Down is Saving My Sanity” →

This March, I’m spotlighting my SHEROES in honor of Women’s History Month! Let’s celebrate the wonderful people we know in real life, and make them the true celebrities!

 

I asked Rosie Molinary – an incredible woman in my community and author of Beautiful You: A Radical Guide To Self-Acceptance: How has being a woman changed from the time you were a child to now?

 

Here’s what she said:

 

I came of age in the 1980s and 1990s. What felt most urgent for girls at that time was the need to be good. Title IX hadn’t yet taken effect where I lived so I was the manager/ trainer for the men’s soccer team rather than being on the soccer team.

 

There were assumptions about who I could be and what I could access – not just because I was a woman, but because I was a Latina.

 

Technology has given us the ability to be even more intersectional, and women are gaining greater access (albeit slowly) on their own merits (as opposed to because we followed petty rules set to limit us).

 

But in many ways, technology has proved to be a valuable tool that comes at a price. Perhaps as a species, we are wired to fear lack. We can be so scared that there is not enough in the world for all of us – so when someone else is ‘getting ahead’, sometimes we’re scared they took a piece of the pie that was being saved for us.

 

When we come up with answers like, “That woman took it from me,” or more specifically, “that Latina/Lesbian/Black/immigrant woman took it from me,” that sentiment, born from fear, creates a bigger chasm.

 

When I was young, the doubters in my life had to say it to my face. It took a special sort of gumption to do that. Today, doubters can say anything to anyone in any number of ways. It creates a collective wound, in some ways, but if there is anything I learned growing up and being told that my abilities were not worthy – it is that scars show and build character.

 

With every great macro-progress comes micro-reaction as the world adjusts. The important thing is to douse ourselves in self-care, to support one another through it, and to keep going – because struggle is the journey that creates headway.