6 Ways To Become Your Own Best Friend

True friendships offer a wonderful reflection of ideal self-care — you have someone by your side that treats you in a way you often don’t treat yourself — with reverence, respect, and the right dose of silly.


Wouldn’t it be incredible to show ourselves that same type of love?


Is it possible to see ourselves through fresher, kinder eyes and ditch the critical in favor of the compassionate? I think so.


Here are six ways to become your own best friend:


1. Take time for TLC. When we get busy, we drop off our own to-do lists. We stop taking care of crucial things like rest, nutrition, and soulful exchange. Don’t skimp on the self-love, instead make a date with nurturing yourself like you would schedule a catch up with a friend. It’s that important.


2. Feel everything. One of the best parts of friendship is that you have someone who validates everything you feel (yep, even the crazy stuff). So remember to do the same and allow yourself to feel a full range of feelings. Put away the judgment and trust that your emotions are healthy, and even the painful feelings will eventually pass.


3. Ask: “Do you need help with anything?” How many times have you said that to a friend?! Check in and ask yourself the same thing and then seek out the people who can help you. One of the bravest acts of self-love we can practice is knowing when to ask for assistance.


4. Learn to trust yourself. The trust within friendships is built over time through experience, the same can be said of trusting ourselves. Learn to root for you. Learn to believe that you have what it takes to be loyal, loving, and kind to yourself. Building that self-trust will guide you through decisions and dilemmas with confidence.


5. Celebrate victories. We LOVE to celebrate our friends when they have moments of success. So make sure you do the same for yourself! Acknowledging what is worth celebrating in your life is not only healthy my necessary. It builds up a reservoir of good experiences to enjoy. And life is sweeter when we can enjoy those moments with the people we love.


6. Continue to Learn About Yourself. All friendships grow stronger as we learn more about the other person. That is the foundational element of real friendship — a growing together through things. While getting to know our friends deeply can highlight some of the not-so-great aspects of them, we choose to appreciate them for all of the brilliant ways they add to our lives, instead of honing in their imperfections. In learning about yourself, focus on celebrating who you are, rather than bemoaning who you aren’t.


How To Be Confident Without Being Arrogant

One common question I’m asked: How can I be confident without being arrogant?


I love this question. I usually tell people it’s OK to know your own strengths (even more OK to own them!) And it doesn’t help anyone when we deflect compliments and play small in the world.


But it makes sense that human nature is to feel a desire to be liked. To be loved. To be admired. And we sometimes worry that if we’re too confident that might push someone away.


The truth is, true confidence doesn’t have to be bragged about. The real different between confidence and arrogance is all about the intention behind it. Confident people live their lives – confidently. They don’t need to “in your face it” with dropping names, putting others down or overly boasting about anything. Confident people live it because they feel it. They don’t need to prove it.


I find bragging (and trust me, I’ve done my fair share) comes from when we feel insecure, uncertain and unworthy. So check your intention next time you think you may be spouting off too much of your own awesomeness. And know that your confidence isn’t just heard but seen, felt, and witnessed. Just by being you.


Still not sure if you have confidence or arrogance? Think about:


  • Confidence is built on self-discovery. It comes from knowing and accepting yourself and your strengths – and owning those strengths. It takes time and effort to foster and build.
  • Arrogance is a reactionary feeling. In fact, it’s the opposite of confidence – it’s a method to prove yourself rather than accept and love yourself.
  • Being confident is being comfortable with who you are. You don’t have to put anyone else down to feel good. So if you are trying to – odds are you aren’t feeling true confidence.
  • Share!

    Ending Toxic Friendships

    You may have heard me talk about your “esteem team” before.


    I think it’s important to know very specifically who has your back at all times.


    The one you ugly cry with.


    The ones who see you at your worst and know you at your best.


    The one you call to the move the body.


    Consider it my new definition of #squad goals – but you really only need one special person on your esteem team.


    And I can’t emphasize enough how important it is on your journey to self-discovery. It’s been a crucial component on my own path, too.


    So how do you know who’s on your team?


    Your “esteem team” are the ones who allow you to grow, and who encourage it, actually.


    But we may not always be surrounded by those people.


    Especially when we’re younger, it can feel like having a bunch of friends is important. But the truth is – especially when it comes to friendship – quality goes much further than quantity.


    Sometimes when we realize we are friends with people who are stumping our growth it’s hard to think about letting them go.


    But trust me when I tell you – and you can borrow my 15 years of hard friendship lessons learned – you need to say goodbye to someone who can’t stand fully by your side.


    How do you know when you’re in a toxic friendship?


    Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:


    When you are with this person do you feel more empowered or more discouraged?


    Are your thoughts and ideas valued and listened to?


    Do you feel comfortable being yourself around this person?


    If you can’t be your true, authentic self when you’re with this friend, it may be time to have a conversation about this. I know – it’s scary, but a true friend can handle a moment of discomfort and honesty. It can be awkward but real friendships survive.


    What happens if you have that convo and nothing changes?


    Maybe it’s time to move on.


    So now what?


    Ending a toxic friendship doesn’t have to be dramatic. We can start by making a conscious effort to limit the amount of time we spend with that person. We can focus on the friends who ARE positive and gravitate toward them.


    But it doesn’t end there. It’s also important to take a look inside yourself in the process, and ask:


    Why am I continually choosing friends like this?


    How can I prevent this from happening again?


    When we want to make a change in our lives, we have to take initiative.


    There’s no doubt in my mind that you’re capable of it. We all are.


    We have to make sure we’re learning from our experiences. When you go through difficult patches, remember to think about what you can take away from them. How can it help you better yourself? How can it help you get back on track to where you want to be?


    It isn’t always easy, but it IS possible and worth it!


    Bring Your #LoveGame16 To The Conversation

    It is truly amazing how gratitude and intention have tweeked my perspective this month – on work and family, on the more simple day-to-day tasks like running errands and interacting with strangers.


    I know how powerful intention is when we use it positively, but this month has brought me greater awareness of how meaningful it is when we consistently weave it into our lives to create a better sense of self and community.


    Although we’re focusing on the energy we give out and the love we spread, this challenge has been intensely beneficial for me on a personal level.


    How have your experiences with the #LoveGame16 challenge shaped your month? I would love to hear more from my positive-vibe tribe.


    In this final week of the challenge, let’s make our LoveGame stick. I want to start the conversation with others. I want to spread my positive feelings from intention to those around me.


    Challenge #7: Spread the Love


    (January 25 – 28)


    Talk to others about your LoveGame this week. Tell a new person each day about one challenge that worked for you. Reinforce the practice for yourself and spread ideas of positivity to others.


    What was your favorite challenge? What was most meaningful to you for your personal journey? Tell us why on social using #LoveGame16. We want to share your positive vibes with our community.


    Challenge #8: Just Ask


    (January 29 – 31)


    Ask the people in your life what they’re grateful for. Ask them what they love. In the next few days, tell someone about the LoveGame challenge and ask them to tell you about one thing they love about themselves or are grateful for.


    What will they say? Let us know with the hashtag #LoveGame16.


    I can’t thank you all enough for your commitment and support during this challenge. This isn’t just a resolution, it’s a way to rethink our energy and intention.


    Let’s keep the positive vibes flowing. Tell me about your challenges this month. I can’t wait to hear about it and share your successes with my community.


    Let Gratitude Guide Your #LoveGame16

    This year we’ve made a point to refocus our energy and intention in 2016. We’re at the halfway mark of our January #LoveGame16 challenge.


    For those of you joining us, I’m so grateful for your support and dedication to creating an environment of positivity! For those who haven’t joined in yet, it’s not too late! Get on board this week and step up your LoveGame.


    In the third week of the challenge, we’re letting gratitude guide us.


    Challenge #5: Practicing Gratitude


    (January 18 – 21)


    Who are the people who matter most to you? Take the next 4 days to think about (or write down!) 4 people you’re thankful for in your life – one for each day of this challenge. A brother? A mentor? Your best friend? Reach out to that person and let them know exactly why you appreciate them so much.


    Who did you choose? Send us a picture of them. Tell us on Facebook and Twitter why you appreciate them using #LoveGame16. We want to share your positive vibes with our community.


    Challenge #6: Count Your Blessings


    (January 22 – 24)


    What have you achieved this month that you’re grateful for? A promotion? A connection to a person you admire? Even a list of chores you finally completed?


    Start each morning by thinking (or writing down) an accomplishment you’re proud of. And share it with us using #LoveGame16.


    If you’re not on social media, email your updates to info@jessweiner.com!


    Spread Your #LoveGame16

    Last week we talked about the power of intention and the love and energy we give back to the world around us. To help us hone in that intention and energy, I started a January challenge.


    Last Monday, I launched #LoveGame16. Have you been joining along? Each week we’re focusing on a new way to step up our LoveGames. Last week, we created more space for self-love by using positivity and intention to counter negative thoughts.


    This week, we’re spreading our love to others. Our challenges for this second week will help us work on the energy we put out into the world and how we make the people around us feel.


    Challenge #3: Meaningful Compliments


    (January 11 – 14)


    Take time to (meaningfully) compliment 4 people in your life each day. I don’t mean, “I like your shirt,” or “Your hair looks nice.” I’m talking about something that will touch them on a deep and personal level – something that is meaningful to their own journey.


    Why, specifically, is that person important to you? Take time to tell them. Take time to let them know how much they mean to you.


    What was their reaction? Who did you choose and why? Share with us on social media using the hashtag #LoveGame2016.


    Challenge #4: Small Favors


    (January 15 – 17)


    Small favors can make a big impact. Pay your gratitude forward with 3 acts of kindness (one each day of the challenge) – it doesn’t take much. Hold the door open for a stranger, bring an extra muffin from home for your coworker, when you get your morning coffee buy one for the person behind you in line.


    Sometimes it’s the little things that really make a difference and renew your perspective of the world.


    Why acts of kindness did you choose? Share with us using #LoveGame16. We want to share your experiences with our community.


    This isn’t just a resolution; it’s a commitment to being intentional about the energy we give off and our own personal perspectives and outlooks. Good luck this week! I can’t wait to hear from you.


    Not on social media? No worries. Send your #LoveGame16 feedback to info@jessweiner.com.


    Conquer Negativity With #LoveGame16

    I feel so blessed for the amazing people and opportunities in my life. Gratitude has become such an integral part of my own personal journey.


    So this year I’m focusing on giving back the good energy and positivity I’m fortunate enough to be surrounded by. I want to be conscious and intentional about the love I give out and the love I give myself. So I’m working on stepping up my game. And I’m asking you to join me.


    I’m excited to introduce our first week’s #LoveGame16 challenges! Are you ready to step up your LoveGame in January?


    This week we’ll focus on countering negative thoughts with positivity and appreciation.


    Sure, it sounds simple, but think about it… How many times a week do we look at our reflections in the mirror and complain about something we see? How many times do we let others influence or discourage our ideas? How often are we hard on ourselves? We’re our own worst critics.


    Challenge #1: Retrain Your Brain

    (January 4 – 7)


    For every negative thought that creeps in, take a minute to think about (or write down) 2 positives. It isn’t just an encouraging sentiment – it’s scientifically proven to be effective!


    How do you feel once you begin the challenge? What are the positive thoughts you chose? Share with us on social media using the hashtag #LoveGame2016.


    Challenge #2: Positive Intention

    (January 8 – 10)


    Be proactive. Decide what direction or feeling you want to achieve and weave it into your daily routine. When you feel like you’re getting off track or you encounter negativity (whether self-inflicted or beyond your control) take 60 seconds of meditation and self-care – take deep breaths, close your eyes if that helps, remember that intention and refocus your energy.


    What happened after you rebooted your brain? What intentions did you choose? Let us know how you’re feeling after the first week using the #LoveGame16.


    Remember, this isn’t just a resolution, it’s a commitment to changing our energy and intentions. Good luck with the first week’s challenge! I can’t wait to hear from you along the way. I’ll be giving my own updates on social media, too!


    Not on social media? No worries. Send your #LoveGame16 feedback to info@jessweiner.com.


    Let’s Step Up Our Love Game In 2016!

    The world’s been feeling like a scary place lately. And I’ve found myself searching for what I can do to soothe my own fear and create more peace and tranquility in my heart.


    When I feel overwhelmed, one of the things I focus on is what is true for me in the here and now. And what is true for me lately is that I feel love. Tremendous love for so many things.


    For my husband, who simply lights up my world.


    For my amazing friends, who fill up my life with laughter and bravery.


    For my work and the opportunity everyday to inspire others and marry together my passion and purpose to create social change.


    By focusing on the truth of the love in my life, I can change the quality of my thoughts and in turn the actions I take. It is often a small and subtle shift I notice, but it lifts me out of the dark moments and reminds my why I’m here.


    I don’t believe in making resolutions. I believe we can make a change any day of the week or year. Moment to moment, we can be the change we wish to see.


    But I do believe in creating very clear intentions each and every day. And I want to focus on upping my love game. I want to create more good energy and positivity – within myself and released out into the world.


    I may not be able to control a lot of the crazy things happening in the world, but I can control my reaction to them. And I can do my part to create more love, feel more love, share more love and practice more love.


    And I’m asking you to join me.


    I’m launching #LoveGame16 on Monday: A series of challenges for the month of January to help us all focus on ways to give (and feel) more love and positivity.


    They will be simple and easy to do. And I’d love to hear more about how you feel when you step up your love game.


    I’ll break up the month’s challenges into four weeks. Look for the next challenge every Monday and Friday on my Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn – and check in here for a new blog post every Monday to list and explain the challenges for the week.


    Here’s to starting 2016 with love!


    How To Stay Positive Online

    Anytime we open our laptops we become susceptible to bad news. The Internet is littered with it.


    You open your browser to check your go-to news source – where positivity is no doubt a rarity. You check your social media only to find “friends” who are doing all the things you wish you were doing, but aren’t. You see a pop up ad with women who look nothing like you, and you doubt yourself.


    It’s overwhelming. How are we supposed to stay positive when we’re surrounded by so much negativity?


    It IS possible. Here are a few sites I visit on a regular basis that help me stay informed and still be positive:


    Hello Giggles – This site markets itself as a positive community for women, and it is just that. Here you’ll find newsworthy articles and lifestyle articles about women like you.


    Brain Pickings – Maria Popova’s blog gives meaning and depth to topics of philosophy, science, design and art. I get lost in her inspiring and unique perspective.


    Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls – A cultural community for women and girls that encourages activism, learning and volunteerism.


    What sites bring you a positive lift?


    Don’t Be Afraid to Dream Out Loud

    Sometimes, big dreams and visions for the world need a microphone.


    Do you take the time to talk about your passion project with friends? Have you ever spoken your dreams out loud to a room full of strangers? I know it sounds scary to expose your dreams to the world – and you might feel vulnerable when you do – but the change you seek to make is bigger than just one person.


    Change is a we thing. It comes from collective action. The more people you tell, the more you open the door to the power of connection or friendly promotion.


    And it starts with a conversation – with a dream that’s spoken out loud.


    We’re listening now.


    So, take your moment. Tell us about your passion project or the work you are creating out in the world.


    Talk to us about it @ Jessweiner.com or tweet & Facebook with the hashtag #ChangeIsAWeThing.


    Let us be your microphone. We’d like to share it with our community.


    Who knows what could come from it!